I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
