so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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