Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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