Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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