she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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