please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
