I just pynch a tree in the face
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize