margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
