What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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