its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
