So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize