Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
