i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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