but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
