its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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