More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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