Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax