just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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