I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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