So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
