I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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