i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
