Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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