I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
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All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
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Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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