don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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