I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
