Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
