She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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