Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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