I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
