all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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