so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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