My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So vagazzling was a success
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize