I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
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champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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