its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
