3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
