All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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