I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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