yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
