my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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