your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
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