she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
