If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
