Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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