I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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