That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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