Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
