You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
...so i touched it.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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