Who did Billy Mays play for?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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