thus making me awesome and them whores
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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