thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
