based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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