I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
