Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
