He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
