you're like a bully in the Christmas story
In America we eat man semen.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
