Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
