im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
