I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
