You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
