It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
