yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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