You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
