I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
honey bunches of taint.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
