btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Too much gin, very little bucket
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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