yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
