It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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