I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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