As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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