They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
