What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
